I never needed a drink or two to share my life story. An audience was enough. I grew up in a world with no boundaries. So, I learned how to stop oversharing the hard way. That means hazardous consequences. In other words, everybody knew my personal beeswax and the only one to blame was my foolish self.
There’s a saying: Love many. Trust few. Always row your own canoe. Here lies the oversharing lesson. It’s cool to stand alone sometimes. In fact, that’s better than trusting someone not worthy of your secret. Go ahead and share your love. But keep those secrets safe, baby. That’s how you love and also protect your heart.
Haircut or Therapy?
Salon time feels amazing. Haircuts are comfort. Fingers smooth trails through my hair. Massages warm the mind. Water cascades my scalp in a delicious rinse. It’s intimate. The stylist brings me a drink. Officially soothed, I unclench. A hairdresser runs hands through my tresses so softly. I sigh.
Combing and cutting begins; as does my storied overshare. How did I learn to shop oversharing? Thankfully, it’s not a Song of Ice and Fire, or an epic tale of any kind. I can keep it short enough. That’s necessary. As you can see from the above Insta post, my cuts aren’t complicated. I like my hair long. Same as I like my stories short. It’s all simpler that way. So, why don’t I keep my life simple and shut up?
Well, I said I liked simple. Unfortunately, I have yet to embrace doing things the easy way. That’s another matter. I often take the hard route. You see a kid struggle to peel an orange. So, you reach over to help. They snatch it away and clutch the fruit tight to their chest. “I do it myself!” They declare. Their fingers are an inch long AND thick. The peel unraveling will take them forever. That kid is me. I’d rather battle my way to exhaustion and learn a tough lesson. Save your alleged fruit-peeling expertise for someone who likes the easy way. Thus I’ve gained lots of lessons in my 48 years. I’m packed with ’em. Luckily, I’ve finally learned not to overshare.
Stop Oversharing – Stylists Gossip
I gained this lesson at the salon because of gossip. That’s right, I got burned, baby. My own flapping yap did it to me. I can’t blame a “hair artist” for sharing my stories. They’re fantastic stories! I didn’t make anyone sign a non-disclosure agreement. In fact, I’ve never asked a stylist to keep a story secret. I cared only about my tawdry tales. I’ve always been this way.
When I was a kid I’d to sit at the way back of the yellow school bus. Many small town compadres gathered around for my anxious, whispered dirty stories. These were as dirty as a second grader can be. Let’s just say I had a gratuitous imagination and little experience. So, my filthy sex stories mostly involved a woman with a gigantic bush and the men who genuinely loved her. Still, they were mucho appreciated. My yellow bus popularity was the grade school status equal to that blue check mark on social media. This didn’t encourage me to stop oversharing. Positive feedback never does.
Thing was, we were all in on this together. There was no third party hairstylist or authority present to spill our secret. So, why did I take the chance and spill at the salon? I knew it could get around. I’m aware of gossip’s inherent appeal. I’ve stood in line at a checkout and seen the mags. My likeliest motive = loneliness. Figuring that nugget out helped me finally quit this horrendous oversharing habit. There are healthier ways to connect. I already knew them, actually. First step was sticking to ’em.
Brené Brown on Boundaries
Once I started holding back a bit, I created boundaries. That’s how I learned to stop oversharing. This video (below) of Brené Brown, celebrated researcher and writer, helps a lot. She teaches that boundaries are about respect. I learned to respect myself more once I learned to curtail my overshare. Even better, others respected me more too. Brown advises to establish what’s cool and not cool first. Then connect and share. That creates a foundation for respect.
Best part is that now I don’t have to switch hair salons based on my secret spillage rate. In my oversharing days, I’d finally get the stylist to give me the precise cut I wanted. Then it would be time to move on – they knew too much. Now I have a lovely stylist who knows just enough about me to keep it fun for both of us. She listens to my podcast. So, we talk about that. She asks about my family. Then cuts my hair exactly how I love it. It’s what visits to the salon should be, safe sanctuary.
Practice These Principles to Stop Oversharing
NYC sidewalks remind us to “Protect Yo Heart”. I see these sweet reminders at the most fortunate times. Such rad advice. So simple. Listen to that little pumper in your chest. Keep it real with what’s inside you. That’s what matters most. Inner peace is everything. When it’s disrupted the enemy is inside the house – just like a horror movie. So, take street graffiti wise words home and put them into practice. Protect yo heart. Share it with those who earn that right and nobody else.
Pick trustworthy people. Relationships are tricky. So, let things marinate a bit before you dive in with the goods. Are you great at helping others but don’t walk the walk? Happens to the best of us. One way to make all those good ideas work for you is to play pretend. That means detach a bit. Look at yourself from the outside. What would you think if it was your beloved friend divulging what you’re about to say? Would you stop them? If so, you know what to do.
Stop Oversharing – Patience With People Pays
An overshare may be impatience at work. It could be to rush into a friendship. Or about getting intimate with a hottie. I often did it because I was impatient period. Let’s get it all out on the table. This is me. Love it or leave it! But real life isn’t declaration city. Solid connections and trust take time. You’re worth it. Stop oversharing. Let things brew. Whiskey makers must age their barrels at least three years. Are your relationships worth more than a bottle of booze to you? If they’re true connections, they marinate awhile.
Next time you find yourself about to overshare, hit the brakes. Even if you’ve half finished your story – stop. It’s never too late to salvage your self respect. Run to the bathroom clutching something. Take a “critical call” on your cell. It doesn’t matter how you do it. Save yourself. This is a pattern interrupt. Break the pattern a few times and before you know it, you stop oversharing. It’s that simple. Not easy… but doable.